Christmas in the 1970s: The Times, the Toys, the Polyester

Snapshot No. 13: Jamie Sommers and Friends

2010-12-07T09:00:00.000-08:00

And the bionic tidings keep coming...

"This is me Christmas 1975," reader Diane Davis tells us. "I scored the Bionic Woman and Tuesday Taylor dolls, both which I still have."

Not only that, but if you look real close, behind the li'l Diane, you'll spy a Bionic Beauty Salon, which apparently kept Jaime Sommers in tip-top spy shape.

We've been looking for evidence of a Kenner-produced Six Million Dollar Man Beauty Salon or Six Million Dollar Man-icure Station, but so far no luck.

-- Joal R.

Questions to Make You Weep Even More Than This Commercial

2010-12-02T10:26:00.000-08:00

If not for Mason Reese's success, would Corey Feldman's chubby cheeks have been in demand? If not for Corey Feldman's chubby cheeks, would Corey Feldman's career have taken off? If not for Corey Feldman's career taking off, would Corey Feldman's life have been more level?

-- Joal R.

A Very Bionic Christmas, 1978

2010-12-01T16:11:00.000-08:00

Nothing says Christmas like Col. Steve Austin beating down a bad guy in a department store. And, of course, nothing says Christmas classic like a poor voice actor doing his best to make kids believe he's Lee Majors.

The all-knowing Bionic Wiki has the story behind this effort. A kind YouTuber has uploaded one of its bionic tales for your listening pleasure.

-- Joal R.

Snapshot No. 12: A Long Time Ago...

2010-04-16T21:00:00.000-07:00

We found this ultra-cool, ultra-definitive shot of a Star Wars Christmas via illustrator Jason Chalker's Flickr page. That's the 1978 version of Jason showing off his haul at the homefront in Abilene, Texas. As Jason tells us:

"I was so damn excited about the toys. Especially the Stormtrooper blaster. It was killing me having to wait for my mom to take pictures. All I wanted to do was bust open the toys, and start playing."

Thanks, Jason, for getting us geeked, too. Got a story and a picture to share yourself? Email away!

-- Joal R.

Merry Christmas....

2009-12-25T09:23:00.000-08:00

...from all us elves!

Done with your unwrapping already? Was it all a blur? Savor Christmas morns past in our snapshots collection.

What Becomes a Legend Least?

2009-12-24T00:01:00.000-08:00

I don't have a picture of this -- just a memory. It is circa Christmas 1975, and I am a sophisticate! A second-grade Lauren Hutton! I am! I just know it! I, Joal Ryan, have been allowed to stay up to watch The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. I am soaking in the scene, the clubby chit-chat, the second-hand TV smoke from Johnny's cigarette. I am so insanely mature I could card myself. Except I don't yet know what the term means. And besides I'm too busy. What with watching The Tonight Show. While playing with my brand-new Batman Colorforms set. And lounging in my brand-new inflatable frog.

Yes, it's best I don't have a picture of this.

-- Joal R.

Snapshot No. 11: The Easy-Fake Smile

2009-12-23T22:00:00.000-08:00

Frank Sarcia sends in this fun, Christmas 1970 image of him and his sister in Pelham, New Hampshire. Like the best family snapshots, all appears merry and bright -- note, appears. Frank explains:

"My sister wanted an Easy-Bake Oven, but received the Suzy Homemaker version instead, and she flipped her lid, but my parents made her take this picture smiling! If you knew her you could tell she was straining and faking the smile!"

Thanks, Frank, for sharing this classic tale of photo-album boosterism gone amok. Email us your stories and pics, too.

-- Brian H.

Snapshot No.10: Waiting Is the Hardest Part

2009-12-22T00:02:00.000-08:00

This is me and my sister Val at my grandparents' house in Oshawa, Ontario, and it's 1974. My grandparents on my dad's side are of German descent, so we opened all our presents on Christmas Eve, which is pretty agreeable to a 4-year-old.

When my sister and I entered the home, we were allowed to open our stockings, which had fun stuff in them like the fire helment and classic Steif stuffed animals shown. But then we sat down to dinner, which was AGONY.

I think I put a kink in my neck staring at that tree...

Email us your Christmas pics. Join in on the fun!

-- Brian H.

Snapshot No 9: For Love of Corn Syrup

2009-12-21T00:01:00.000-08:00

"I was thrilled to get Stretch Armstrong. I played with that thing all the time ... until it cracked, and gooed all over the place." -- John Hildman on Christmas 1977 in Sioux City, Iowa.

Oh, John, how I know your pain. I think all of us who had a Stretch doll in our lives had a little of that crimson corn syrup on our hands.

Thank you, John, for letting us see your Stretch. Email us your pics, too.

-- Brian H.

Snapshot No 8: At Least We Had Underoos

2009-12-19T00:05:00.000-08:00

"What a bleak, stark, year," Andy Frueh said of Christmas 1979.

Due to the tough economy (that sounds familiar...), Andy doesn't remember he and his siblings getting much. "But at least we had Underoos," he said.

The Hulk set paled next to the brightly attired DC Comics heroes on that Christmas morning in Lima, Ohio, but Andy truly was the man of the hour thanks to Bill Bixby.

Thank you, Andy, for sharing this awesome story and image. Email us your pics, too.

-- Brian H.

Snapshot No 7: Anarchy, Sorry, Hoppity Hops in the U.K.

2009-12-16T00:07:00.000-08:00

You say Hoppity Hop; our friends in the United Kingdom say Space Hopper. (Oh, those theatre-going Brits -- they just have to be different, don't they?) On any continent, the big, rubber bouncy ball was a big get, circa 1970. And so it was for future U.K. blogger/historian Derek Tait (above).

Now, if Derek is secure enough to send in a snapshot of himself poised on a Space Hopper, then what is stopping you? Email us your pics already. And, yes, in the name of fairness, we're open to Hoppity Hop art.

-- Brian H. & Joal R.

What the What?

2009-11-19T15:34:00.000-08:00

Are you a Santa doll expert? Even better, are you a naked Santa doll expert? Do you know when this lovely Fibre-Craft naked Santa doll (Model No. 3104) was first sold? Given that it was manufactured in Hong Kong, and is weird, frightening and wrapped in crinkly plastic, my guess is that it is another fine product of the 1970s, but that's only a guess. If you have an answer, please let us know at xmasinthe70s [at] yahoo.com.

I was going to ask why Santa is bottomless, but then I decided I don't really want to know.

-- Joal R.

Deck the Halls with Nylon, 1972

2009-11-06T10:11:00.001-08:00

"Mom, it's just not Christmas around here until we hang your discarded pantyhose containers on the tree."

--Joal R.

A Dead Santa of a "Simpler Time"

2009-10-21T11:48:00.000-07:00

Last week, Glenn Beck cried for a "simpler time" in America. In doing so, he joined a long line of misty-eyed nostalgics who likewise have pined. Considering the federal government didn't make equal rights a formal policy until 1964, I've always been curious as to when exactly this "simpler time" occurred -- and who exactly got to enjoy it. In this regard, I have to give Beck credit: He defined his terms. To the TV star, our nation's "simpler time" occurred somewhere between the 1975 "Times of Your Life" Kodak campaign, and the 1979 Mean Joe Greene Coca-Cola commercial. (Seriously. Watch the clip.)

Now, I must say, I like people, like Beck, who remember the 1970s as a "simpler time." This is because they make me laugh. Of course, they also make me wonder if they actually remember the 1970s. The real 1970s. The decade that, like any decade, was good and bad and weird and great and awful. The decade that killed off Old Saint Nick -- and a shamefully malnourished one at that -- just in time for the holidays, not to mention the pages of Justice League of America No. 110.

Merry Christmas, kids! Now go outside, and play with your lawn darts! And remember, or better yet, forget, in 30 years, this'll all seem "simpler!"

--Joal R.

TV Guide, Christmas 1977

2009-10-09T15:09:00.001-07:00

Apparently, even Santa was troubled by the pending cable revolution...

Not sure if the script is legible, but it says, "Christmas is more than an Orange..."

Now, why it says "Christmas is more than an Orange," I have no idea. Then again, I'm not a theologian. Or a citrus farmer.

It's not clear from this classic TV Guide "Close Up," but this particular All in the Family -- about a deadly hate crime against a female impersonator, and involving a main character's renunciation of faith -- aired on Christmas night.

Yes, Virginia, broadcast-network TV used to have (how should we say?) Sno Balls.

Not to mention the will -- and the audience -- to air all-new episodes on a major holiday.

***

Just a reminder, if you have snapshots or other artifacts from Christmas in the 1970s that you'd like to share, send 'em our way at: xmasinthe70s [at] yahoo [dot] com.

--Joal R.

Ruh-Roh, 1978

2009-10-01T15:39:00.000-07:00

I picked this up a few years ago at a thrift store. The collection is nothing special (Roger Whittaker, Arthur Fiedler, Robert Shaw Chorale, zzz...) The dog with the Alpo face is awesome.

--Joal R.

Snapshot No. 6: The Year I Got an Oscar

2009-10-01T15:16:00.000-07:00

As I've written, despite my interest in Christmas in the 1970s, I don't have a lot of pictures of my own 1970s Christmastime self.

Which makes the shot to your left all the more precious.

It's from 1978. I'm 11. I'm holding a bag of off-market Bubble Yum, and an Oscar Goldman "action" figure. My father's standing behind me, and my older brother's to the left, but I cropped them out because, well, would you really be able to see them anyway? It is not often, after all, one is confronted by such stunning dorkiness.

And, no, I'm not talking about Oscar Goldman. I would never, ever trash talk a doll that came armed with an exploding suitcase.

--Joal R.

Snapshot No. 5: Toy Magic Under the Tree!

2009-09-15T11:09:00.000-07:00

David Tedeschi recently submitted some fantastic shots of Christmas 1977, and they're too good not to at least share one.

This shot is literally a "who's who" of cool 1970s toys. We have Maskatron, evil enemy of the Six Million Dollar Man (still in its cardboard cell, no less), a Mego Batman Bat Lab (a repurposed Volkswagen bus, actually), Fisher-Price Adventure People sets, Mego comic action heroes, a Batmobile Exploding Bridge -- and is that a boxed Stretch Armstrong, I see, too? Just amazing stuff. Expect more from David in the near future.

If you have a photo and story to share, please drop us a line at xmasinthe70s [at] yahoo.com.

--Brian H.

K-Mart Toy Land Sale, 1976

2009-08-21T04:12:00.000-07:00

I got an Ideal Toss Across this very Christmas. Apparently my first-grade teacher said I needed more hand-eye coordination, and this game was my mother's solution. My mother brags now how it improved my skills, but I don't ever remember actually using it. And I'm still kind of clumsy...

--Brian H.

His Strict, Almost Rabbinical Standards Are Feared the World Over

2009-08-20T04:03:00.000-07:00

From January 1976. The folks at Noma (the Christmas light company, natch) must have breathed a sigh of relief as everyone in the Christmas light industry knows that Santa is a notorious hard-ass when it comes to quality control.

--Brian H.

Dear Santa: 1975 Edition

2009-08-19T04:47:00.000-07:00

What kind of super team could you form with Mr. Spock, Batman, Shazam and George Washington? I'm not sure, but I know I wouldn't mess with it.

--Brian H.

Johnny Cash for (Why Not?) Lionel Trains

2009-08-18T08:27:00.000-07:00

During the 1976 Christmas season, Lionel partnered with Johnny Cash on a TV special called Riding the Rails, all about America's love affair with trains. The special worked: Little children everywhere were asking Santa for all-black outfits.

--Brian H.

Michael Jackson Holidays on "Sesame Street"

2009-08-05T22:24:00.000-07:00

And, in retrospect, it's too bad for his own good that he didn't move there permanently. No way Oscar would have stood for talk of Diprivan near his can. A tough-love sort if ever there was one.

--Joal R.

Me Opening a Mattel Big Jim Doll

2009-07-16T14:12:00.000-07:00

As a collector of ~~action figures~~ dolls, this video both amuses, and kind of horrifies me. Just the way I tear through that window makes me understand why "Mint in Package" toys cost so much.

Also, I should wear more tunics. What a good look for me.

—Brian H.

Dear Santa: 1972 Edition

2009-07-15T17:52:00.000-07:00

I'm 39, and I still want a G.I. Joe Command Headquarters, but I'd settle for a really nice boxed Big Jim or Action Jackson at this point.

--Brian H.

P.S.: Hate to tell you, Brian, but my younger brother and I got a G.I. Joe Command Headquarters — and it wasn't even Christmas.

--Joal R.

Christmas Figurines, 1977 JC Penney Catalog

2009-06-29T09:23:00.000-07:00

I really dig these little guys, especially that Santa.

—Brian H.

Hecht's Department Store, 1976

2009-06-20T10:30:00.000-07:00

"Bountiful garlands and ornaments abundant with colors portray the true meaning of Christmas in Hecht's downtown Washington, D.C. store."

--Brian H.

Maybe Wombles Is British for Banana Splits?

2009-06-12T22:54:00.000-07:00

You know how some clips need no explanation? The following clip needs a lot of explanation.

Unfortunately, words fail me.

— Joal R.

Talk About a Stretch

2009-06-04T23:15:00.000-07:00

If you liked Stretch, if you longed for Stretch, if you counted the days until Christmas so that you might get and subsequently abuse Stretch, this was all you had to keep you going through the wilderness months. A lousy 30-second TV spot.

In 1977, you would've mortgaged your house in order to help back a Stretch Armstrong movie. If you understood what a mortgage was. Or owned a house.

The point: In 1977, you would've been thrilled to hear that a Stretch movie was in the works. Just as you would've been thrilled to hear a Land of the Lost movie was in the works.

But life can be funny in an unfunny way. You get the LOTL movie in 2009, when you don't really care all that much any more. And, if all goes according to Universal Pictures' and Hasbro's just-announced plan, you'll get the Stretch Armstrong movie on April 15, 2011, when you really won't care all that much. Because you'll have to make sure your income taxes are filed that day.

But you're not bitter. You get it. They're not making LOTL or Stretch for you. They're making it for kids. Who don't know what LOTL or Stretch is. But are going to get movies made for them anyway. When all you got was a cheapo Krofft TV show. And a lousy 30-second spot.

Life can be funny in a terribly unfunny way.

***
For a cleansing laugh, we recommend producer Brian Grazer's quote in the Stretch press release: "Stretch Armstrong is a character I have wanted to see on screen for a long time. ... It's a story about a guy stretching –- if you will –- the limits of what is possible to become all that he can be."

Maybe Grazer's confusing Stretch for G.I. Joe? Or a Marine? Honestly, as the above commercial demonstrates, Stretch was a toy concept stretched so thin from the get-go that by the time Hasbro got around to creating a villain, the best the company could do was ... Stretch Monster.

— Joal R.

Snapshot No. 4: Look Back with Plaid

2009-01-29T11:24:00.000-08:00

"Just so you know, that was my awkward time."

Judy Lambert (as told to Joal R.)
Living room, Middletown, Ohio
1970

Snapshot No. 3: The Flood

2008-10-25T13:53:00.000-07:00

"I think this was in the main court of the mall, and [Santa] was a very, very lucky fellow because that look on my face is pure, unadulterated terror. And, then as now, when I get upset, my stomach gets in knots. I got about two feet off off Santa's lap, and my mom said I absolutely filled my pants.

They had just put me back in the stroller -- Grandma was there with me -- and they had just set me back in the stroller, and [my mother] said it just let loose. She said it was, yeah, all over the floor, it was in the stroller. She rolled me down back to the bathrooms, which were way down by Sears, leaving a trail behind us, and sent my grandma to go find the cheapest set of clothes she could find.

And that I believe is the only other picture I have with Santa. She never took me back to the mall."

Betsy Cech (as told to Joal R.)
Woodland Mall, Grand Rapids, Michigan
Circa 1972-1973

Snapshot No. 2: Before the Gap

2008-09-22T22:42:00.000-07:00

"I am 3. Maybe. I look like Frances Farmer after a rough night fighting Hollywood phonies. Definitely. I am dressed like a clown. Sadly. I am opening a box. Of something. I want to remember. Badly. But I can't.

My Christmas memories don't kick in until the mid-1970s, a few years after this picture was taken, a few years after my parents stopped taking pictures on account of they were old and tired, a condition with which I now empathize as I am now old and tired (although blessed to be able to take pictures without having to worry about whether my Magicube supply is running low).

In the late 1970s, my younger brother and I began to chronicle our family Christmases on our own, which means the red-letter day I came into possession of an Oscar Goldman "action" figure was preserved on film.

But there is a gap. There are lost Christmases waged on brown, Astroturf-hard carpet that I see only in my mind's eye.

I look at this photo — this photo before the gap — and I think one thing: I should have brushed my hair. After all, you never know when a random Christmas photo, not unlike an impromptu Nick Nolte mugshot, is going to be your defining moment.

Also, the clown suit. Really?"

Joal R.

Living room on Cedar Street, Glendale, California
Circa 1970

Snapshot No. 1: The Play-Doh Incident

2008-09-21T18:18:00.000-07:00

"Christmas morning 1972 wasn’t particularly pleasant for my sister, and it’s all my fault.

After the presents had been opened and my parents went to prepare breakfast (and drink much needed coffee), they asked my sister to make sure nothing happened to me. Even though she was five years my senior, I was very much a 2-year-old and had my own ideas.

When my sister’s back was turned, I spied a tin of Play-Doh, and in my limited experience mistook it for a can of baked beans. I must have been hungry because I immediately gobbled the contents down; not bothering to notice the taste.

When my sister found me, she panicked, having failed my parents and assuming that I would soon get sick and she would be severely punished. My confused parents entered the room to discover a rather full son and a completely panicked daughter. Being the good parents that they were, they chose to capture the moment forever."

Brian H.
Living room on Lilac Terrace, Whitby, Ontario, Canada
Christmas Day, 1972

Share your stories -- and your artifacts

2008-09-07T23:34:00.000-07:00

Did you survive the 1970s? Even better, did you survive Christmas Day in the 1970s? Do you have the drug-store-developed snapshots, the beloved action figures, the old Pong box and the worn catalog pages to prove it?

If you've got a 1970s Christmas artifact, we'd love to see it. We'd love to hear about your misty-water-colored memories, too.

We are coauthors Joal Ryan and Brian Heiler, and we're compiling material for a coffee-table book that aims to celebrate that very special time, and those very odd carpet-color choices.

Please email Joal R. and Brian H. at: xmasinthe70s [at] yahoo.com.

We promise we won't share your treasures with anyone. Except the hopefully billions of readers of our book.

—Joal R. & Brian H.